


Waste (away)

by plantboycharms



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, ED - Freeform, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorders, I know there should be a trigger warning on this, I suppose, Read at your own discretion, but idk how strong of one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantboycharms/pseuds/plantboycharms
Summary: So Sugawara Koushi wasted away.(In which Suga has anxiety and solves it by starving.)





	Waste (away)

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much inspired by a frame where Asahi and Daichi look super relieved by Suga eating.   
> The rest of the inspiration comes from my own self! NICE!

Daichi didn’t like to watch Suga waste away. 

But sometimes there was nothing he could do about it. 

Suga was stubborn, when he wanted to be. Sweet, and gentle, and soft, but stubborn. Nothing could convince him, when he had his mind set on something. And sometimes, that thing that he had his mind set on wasn’t…. a good thing. 

So Sugawara Koushi wasted away. 

Daichi had seen it over and over. He knew the signs to look for, nowadays. He went through it every so often, pressure from games, tournaments, exams, even family things would come up, and Suga would… change.   
Nothing drastic. To an untrained eye, it wasn’t anything to worry about. 

But boy, did Daichi worry about it. 

“Suga, if you don’t eat, you’ll never get stronger,” he would say, gently, quietly, throwing a sideways glance at Suga at the table next to him.   
“I’m just tired from the match, Dai,” Suga would say, meeting his eyes and smiling widely, like always. (That smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, Daichi noticed. Never did. It was warm, but there was a chill behind it, like a breeze that makes you shiver on a sunny day.)   
Suga would push around the rice in his bowl, picking at a grain or two every so often, and then push his bowl away when the rest of the team did, standing and leaving with them as if he had eaten with them. He hadn’t. He didn’t. 

Daichi worried. He felt like that was all he did. 

They were third years now. He needed to get it together. He needed to hold it together. For Suga, for the team, for himself. It wasn’t a good time for this. The new first years were here, unruly and loud, but enthusiastic. Without Nishinoya and Asahi, he knew, there was a lot to be done and a lot of pressure on him, as the captain. 

But Suga blamed himself for Asahi’s leaving. And being in the gym without him reminded him of it. He knew that. And Suga wasted away, once again. 

And there was nothing Daichi could do about it, really.   
**  
He knew it wouldn’t help. In all honesty, he knew. There was no reason why not eating would make him feel better about whatever it was that was bothering him.   
But as far as coping skills went, starving was like heroin. Comforting, almost instantly gratifying, and somehow the most powerful high he had ever felt. 

There was no explaining the way cold water on an empty stomach felt, to someone who didn’t understand. 

The weight of Noya and Asahi’s absence sat heavy on his shoulders, and the pit of emptiness sat deep in his stomach. They went better together. 

He would just skip a few, skimp on a few others, and… the hunger that held his hand through matches was more comforting than he could ever explain to Daichi.   
Daichi knew, of course. There was no way he didn’t notice it, they spent most of their time together, but he didn’t seem to want to say anything. That was good. He should know by now, that Suga would eventually get it together, stop doing what he was doing, pull his mental health out of whatever deep tunnel it was heading for, and start taking care of himself again. But until then? Nothing was stopping him. Not his parents, not the team, not even Daichi.   
**  
Feeling helpless was the absolute worst. Nothing could top the feeling of standing by, watching it happen, and being able to do absolutely nothing to help.   
**  
Daichi had his eyes on him now. Like a hawk, cataloguing everything that went through his lips.   
It wasn’t so much about what it was, even. No amount of “health” could make it feel better to have something in his stomach. That wasn’t what he wanted. He just wanted to be clean. Clean and empty. It felt better that way. Maybe if he was empty, he could forget what had happened. He could clear his mind of everything. The stress would be easier to take that way.   
School was just starting and he was already… like this.   
How would he make it through the year?  
**  
If Noya was back, and Asahi came back too, maybe… maybe then…   
**  
Noya and Asahi were there, on the same court, playing… together. And Suga was there, too. Tosses were spiked, spikes were blocked, blocks were received. And Asahi was there, really there, and so was Noya, and even though the relationship was tense and awkward, they were there and Asahi was asking for tosses and maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to carry the team for them, like Asahi and Kageyama had said.   
The feeling of knowing that he was safe, that he could make a mistake, that the team would still be there for him and still care for him…. Was terrifying. 

But when they all headed off for training camp together, he made himself a promise. And suddenly, the weight on his shoulders was being lifted by large, strong hands, followed by a smaller, lither set, and he thought maybe it would be okay for the weight in his stomach to go too.   
**  
When Suga sat down to dinner, he was nervous. But as he started to eat dinner with the team, even faced with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi’s stares, something soft swelled in Daichi’s chest.   
The hand that he placed on Suga’s knee under the table was meant to be causal, but the earth-shatteringly warm smile that he got in response was enough to let him know. 

The smile reached Sugawara’s eyes, this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway story of my actual life! This likely makes not much sense, I'm wined up. Sorry.   
> I think you know the drill: Validation is good, kudos and comments make me weep tears of joy, screaming at me at fragile-euphoria.tumblr.com is highly recommended and encouraged.


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